Slut shaming…
It may be inadvertent, but it’s still harmful.
“Here’s what I would never, ever admit out loud: a part of me always thought it was some kind of secret compliment when someone got called a slut. It meant you were having sex. Which meant people wanted to have sex with you. Being a slut just meant you were normal. But I think maybe I’m wrong about that.” ― Becky Albertalli
We are currently living in a era celebrating equality more than ever, as a generation we have gotten much more open, sharing stories in solidarity of abuse and assault, why are people still tearing women down over their sexuality or they’re sexual lifestyle? Slut shaming occurs both online and face to face and it is becoming way too much of an occurrence. What baffles me even more so is the fact that at least nine times out of ten the perpetrator is FEMALE! Scantily-clad photo on Instagram? Bit of booty on show?Cute lingerie snaps? Some people, MOST people even view it as slutty, not self-confident. Posting that kind of picture can take a lot of bravery, especially if someone’s struggling with their body image. Why can’t a post be viewed as an empowering act a woman taking her sexuality into her own hands? When people see a woman who’s confident in herself and her sexuality and they personally are not, their response is to attack and tear her down to make them feel better about themselves.
Our generation and culture still views female sexuality as threatening. Somebody once commented that I was masking my insecurities by posting sexual photos and asking for attention through them, when in reality, it’s something that makes me feel empowered and comfortable in my body. Men don’t recognize that women do things for themselves and not just them. The person who in fact said these things was also another woman and I have had similar things be said to me by men.
A few examples of slut shaming include:
Blaming the girl if someone spreads a stolen nude photo of her.
She has been betrayed in this situation. She has been wronged. Yes, it is foolish to trust someone else witha naked photo of oneself. But her motivation in sending it was to please the recipient. She was doing something for him, and he repaid her by exploiting something they had both shared. He could have found porn online in less than a couple of seconds, so this kind of behaviour isn’t about a sexy image. It’s about control. He knew that once he got a naked photo of her, he could control her, use it against her will etc . And, if he has shared it without her consent, he has decided to use that control to ruin her social life.
Describing another woman “like a guy when it comes to sex….”
Yes, I know, I just wrote that we need to talk about girls who have sex the same way we talk about guys who have sex. But if you like to have casual sex (the implication of being “like a guy”), that just means you’re a woman who likes to have casual sex. Why should liking sex be something that’s inherently for guys? Men don’t get to have ownership over the act of “liking sex,” sorry.
There are a few ways we get conditioned as we’re growing to sub consciously slut shame. I can’t remember when I learned the word “slutty.” Certainly, by year four or five, I knew that “being slutty” was a bad thing and I knew it was something that I did not want to be, even if at the time, I was constantly being called names for kissing two boys on the playground. So by the age of 9/10 I was already being exposed to minor slut shaming on a very small scale. A study conducted by the American Sociological Association, found that girls as early as in year 9, would lose friends if they had sex wheres boys who had sex actually gained them. That means that by the age of 14 or 15, girls already know that girls who have had sex are to be avoided and isolated.
I think we need to remind ourselves that there is no male alternative to the word slut – ‘fuck boy’ and ‘man-slag’ don’t have the same negative connotations or anywhere near the ability to wound. ‘Slut’ is a word that uniquely and unfairly attacks women as a gender, which seems like as good a reason as any to abandon it at the earliest possible opportunity. STOP slut shaming. CARRY on empowering the women around you and stay happy.
xox Laima Bean xx
