One of the biggest lies society has been sold is that porn is totally harmless. Not only does porn often give boys unrealistic expectations when it comes to how girls will have sex or what it should be like, it can also make their girlfriends feel insecure, unwanted, and downright sick to their stomachs.
But you know what? It’s time someone said that these feelings are OK. There’s even feminist girls who feel like their being uncomfortable isn’t “very feminist” of them, but your partner watching porn isn’t about gender or physical touching, and it’s not about liberation. Those women love what they’re doing – and that’s not the problem. Good for them. The problem is that it’s being watched by guys who have agreed to be in a sexual relationship with someone off screen.
It’s 2020. Times have changed. Technology is accessible almost anywhere and everywhere. So is porn. Lately, it seems we’ve come across more articles online, normalizing porn and promoting the massively uninformed idea that most people “just can’t help themselves.” These articles tell partners that they just need to accept that their significant other watches it and that’s not a big deal. But is it?
When you agree to be monogamous with someone, you agree to give your affection, adoration and sexual stimulation to them, but when a boyfriend watches porn, they’re giving it to someone else. It isn’t physical, but that doesn’t mean that the idea of your loved one being satisfied by another person shouldn’t upset you. Flirting isn’t always physical, but we know it’s wrong if you’re in a relationship, so why is porn seen differently? Masturbating to porn means they’re giving part of themselves, which should be saved for you, to someone else. In a committed relationship, the sexual exclusivity is violated.
“He’s not actually cheating though…take a chill pill he’s not doing anything wrong”
A partner lying to you is not healthy, and when it comes to watching other naked people having sex, it’s a pretty big deal. How is someone desiring strangers’ bodies and sharing their desire with airbrushed bodies instead of you as a partner not even slightly considered as a type of dishonesty and cheating. If you wouldn’t be cool with your partner getting aroused by nudes their friend sent, why would it be okay for them to specifically seek out naked strangers having sex on screen for their arousal?
“He knows it’s fake. Any mentally stable guy knows that porn is fictional. I don’t know about you, but I would rather him watch another girl do some of these things than do them myself”
Not exactly. The images that the brain is seeing does not necessarily distinguish between real and fantasy, all the brain knows is it’s seeing highly arousing images and it wants to see more explicit stimulating material to get the same thing thrill. Another thing porn does, is it creates massively unrealistic expectations… especially in RELATIONSHIPS! This is because the consumer naturally starts to desire those sex acts in real life. Whilst doing some researchon a study looking at porn consumption, researchers foundthat after being exposed to just softcore sexual material, both men and women were significantly less happy with their partner’s looks, sexual performance, and willingness to try new sex acts. Many partners don’t watch porn thinking it’s unrealistic, they watch porn wishing their partner would do the same stuff because that’s what “hot sex” looks like in the porn world. Still sound like it’s all okay?
” he’s probably thinking about you whilst he’s watching it”
Ew. Wrong and also wrong. Really? The argument here is that while your partner is being aroused by impossibly enhanced porn performers that look nothing like you (or anyone else you know) and their exaggerated reactions to sex, they are thinking only about you and your relationship? Is that meant to be…comforting? Also keeping in mind that one of the most popular types of mainstream porn is TABBOO INCEST (why anyone finds it hot to watch a fake step mum fingering a fake step daughter HOT is completely beyond me). This is just normalising situations that are completely NOT normal.
xoxo Laima Bean
