“We are all born sexual creatures, thank God, but it’s a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.”
― Marilyn Monroe
Sex is amazing. Whether you’ve had sex or are still a virgin, sometimes hooking up with people leaves you wishing you hadn’t. I’ve had my experiences while hooking up and some have been good and some have been bad. Now (thankfully) God has gifted me with the most amazing boyfriend who also happens to be G R E A T in bed… Here are someof the things I’ve learned along the way of hooking up with people.
Okay so firstly…SOMETIMES THEY DON’T KNOW WHAT THEYRE DOING!!!! There is nothing less attractive than hooking up with someone who claims they’re great in bed and talks a big game (pun DEFINITELY intended), but when it comes to actually having sex they act like a newborn deer trying to understand its new legs. I wouldn’t mind getting with man humble about his “skills,” or still a virgin… but when he claims to be mind-blowing and doesn’t follow through, it’s not just a bit of a letdown its time to go home. 🙄
Just because your ex liked it doesn’t mean I’m gonna like it too.
Its also soooo embarrassing when we can tell you’re doing something because of a porno you’ve seen. Porn is made to VISUALLY stimulate us right? So it has to VISUALLY look good on camera, that doesn’t mean you can copy those moves you see on camera and expect them to feel good in real life. I have literally seen women take over two penis’s into their wide spread ass’s which I’m sure is like practically impossible. So how can you men, watch videos from the SAME sites that provide anal fisting as a WHOLE SEPEARE category, educate yourselves on pleasuring your woman? (I cant stop imagining the men’s faces reading this who actually do this, bless your little cotton socks, you have a lot of learning to do.) As a little warning: The “jack hammer finger blaster” is not a move. The “just going for the vagina without any kind of warming up or even a little bit of something to lubricate it because women are always in a state of moist readiness” is not a move. The “fast blaster with a little spit on the palm to get things started” is not a move. None of these are moves. Stop learning your skills from porn, and start watching the way your partner’s body moves. (One that really makes me laugh is the pussy slap, especially in lesbian porn videos…PLEASE know we don’t actually do this in real life).
Now moving onto FOREPLAY! (My absolute FAVE thing when it comes to sex) You don’t drive a car in the winter without warming it up first, right? Gonna mention the good old clitoris here…stop rubbing it like you’re trying to give me bloody friction burn. Remember, it’s one of the most sensitive body parts in existence. Try gentle tapping or circular motions at first. If I want it harder, trust me ill speak up.
“Is sex dirty? Only when it’s being done right.” ― Woody Allen
ATTENTION ALL MEN (Aimed at those lesser educated on the importance of foreplay): Don’t even bother coming over if you have no intention of going down on your woman. It’s laughable when boys (boys not men) think they can get away with no foreplay for a woman. Just like you guys like it, us women also like it. Which is why I actually believe lesbians have more orgasms, its all equal with another woman and obviously we don’t get as tired as quickly either but I’ll be doing another entry on lesbian sex soon! Despite what your ego tells you, you’re not good enough in bed to skip out on foreplay. Foreplay is a great sensation both parties should experience, so don’t be selfish man in bed because even if you’re the giver, you’re still gonna be part of something amazing. If I (meaning any girl) mention bringing a toy such as a wand or a vibrator into the bedroom, it doesn’t mean I think your dick isn’t good enough for me. Like, don’t take it personally its not as if I’m bringing an extra dick into the bedroom. AND IT CAN BE SUPER FUN!
“Hate to sound sleazy, but tease me, I don’t want it if it’s that easy” ― Tupac Shakur
Sometimes sex can be suuupppeeeerrrrrr awkward. You could queef, or fart…or even worse choke and gag on the D!!! But nothing compares to the PEACEFULLNESS after sex. Its the kind of peacefulness you can find nowhere else. Your bodies slump into one another’s and you quietly fall asleep so peaceful and drained. Sometimes the sleep you get after sex is better than the sex itself. You literally cannot beat it.
Xoxo Laima Bean
