I‘m always hearing about sex getting progressively boring, the longer a couple stays together and this reaallllyyy confuses me. Did you know that only 9% of couples who can’t comfortably talk about sex with their partner say that they’re satisfied sexually? I mean, you don’t go to a restaurant where the chefs give you what they want you to eat instead of ordering exactly what you want……sooo, it should be the exact same thing when it comes to talking about sex with your boyfriend/girlfriend/partner. There are some people out there who are happy just taking what’s given, but this makes way for a reeaalllyyyy vanilla and average sex life. No one wants routine when it comes to sex.
And who WOULDN’T want to talk about sex. Sex is great, orgasms are great. I have no shame in owning up to that.
KNOWLEDGE IS POWER. Well, in the bedroom it is anyway. Make sure you explore your body yourself and know exactly how you like it, then once you know what gets you going, you can tell your partners, or even better show them. In the real world, the less direct you are, the less likely you are to get what you want. Fact. So apply this to your sex life.
CONFIDENCE! So you have a fantasy, or a kink, which you haven’t explored yet. There is literally no such thing as ‘normal’ or ‘too weird’ when it comes to the bedroom. I feel like kinks have so much negative stigma attached to them. JUST because somebody enjoys double penetration, doesn’t mean the next person will, but there’s nothing ‘wrong’ with it being a fantasy. If you’re possibly too nervous to casually just bring up your kinks, try opening the conversation subtly, like mentioning you read an blog, stumbled across a video, overheard a friend talking or had a dream about it. Make sure you put your partner in the limelight too and ask about their fantasies, too.
Be kind, and polite and overall positive. If say to your partner: “You never want to sleep with me.” Its not going to make them want to sleep with you more, buuutttt if you say something along the lines off: “The way you grabbed me and kissed me in the kitchen the other day was sexy.” I know that many of us feel embarrassed at times about our bodies or about our performance so adding judgement or criticism to the mix will only worsen these insecurities which is the opposite effect. So remember positivity.
This leads to my next point, don’t take things so personally all the time which is a weird thing to say because sex is very much about the BOTH of you, but a large part of what turns your partner on or off isn’t about you. There are many factors that can affect sex drive: such as stress, feelings of shame, and so on. Just because your partner isn’t in the mood doesn’t mean they don’t find you attractive.
In the end conversations with your partner are not just about giving information but about getting information as well. So however awkward the talk may be, it’s ultimately about getting to know one’s partner and building intimacy by listening as well as sharing.
xoxLaimaBeanxx
I’m sorry this was a bit of a weird one. I haven’t had much time to brain storm ideas for new posts, but I have some good, fresh topics coming up so keep your eyes out! Thankyou to my loyal beans who keep reading even when content gets a bit dead. MWAH!